Ring in 2013!

I don't know about you, but I'm so ready for a new year. This past year has been full ups and downs;  health issues, challenges and struggles. I'm yearning for a fresh new start.

Here's wishing you, dear readers, a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. May 2013 bring you only the best!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 

And never brought to mind? 

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 

And days o� lang syne!

For auld lang syne, my dear 

For auld lang syne, 

We�ll tak a cup o� kindness yet 

For auld lang syne!

image from here

New Year's Sale at Paris Hotel Boutique!

Click here to shop our sale!

Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland...

Wishing you and yours a joyous Christmas from all of us at Paris Hotel Boutique!

image: Sylvia C. Photography

Paris for the Holidays?

Just admiring this photo on Pinterest. The Four Seasons Hotel George V,  Paris made a sleek seasonal addition of frozen Christmas trees to their holiday decor. 

Wouldn't you love to see in person?

Visit here...

Have a Delightful Weekend!

Indulge yourself!!

Image: Martha Stewart Weddings, Sang An

Wanted!

I just stumbled upon these fun boots on Pinterest. LOVE them! I think they are from last season, but there must be some out there. Does anyone know who this designer is and where to find them?

Stay dry!

All New Holiday Arrivals at Paris Hotel Boutique!

Silver & gold, tinsel & lights, Paris Hotel Boutique brings you new treasures to make your holiday season bright! Please join us to preview them!

Some highlights include:

Antique French Jeweled Crown

Art Deco Diamond Rings

Vintage French Match Holder 

Large Pink Cameo Brooch w/ Diamond

Antique French Hat Box

French Dance Card

Oodles of Glistening Hotel Silver & much more!

Click here to shop our new arrivals!

images: Kassie Borreson, Haus Frau Fotografie

The PHB Gift Certificate!

Hope you had a lovely weekend! 

I was just thinking, I never talk about our gift certificates. If you were hoping to give someone something unique and special, and vintage, we've got online gift certificates!  The recipient will be able to use it right away with no hassles of gift cards!

Simply click on this link to purchase a gift certificate!

Have a lovely week ahead!

Move over Rice-a-Roni...

I think I found the real San Francisco treat.

Welcome pink popcorn. I've known you for 52 years. Those fun days at the zoo and Playland at the Beach. I assumed that your yummy, sweet, almost stale pressed popcorn was known nationally. It was only tonight, as I was chowing down your gooey pinkness, that I found out  you were made exclusively in San Francisco.

Yes, Wright's Pink Popcorn has been a San Francisco staple since the 1940s. And, I'm thrilled that they're around to stay.

You can find Wright's here. I bet they ship too! Fun for the holidays!

image from here

Happy Cyber Monday!

Hope you had a most wonderful holiday weekend! Don't forget to check out our latest finds here at PHB!

Have a great week ahead!

Review : The Walking Dead Season 3 - Episode 6 - Hounded

(BEWARE, HERE BE SPOILERS....There will only be spoilers regarding the episode. This review is based solely on the show. Hope you enjoy - Kyle )

After five blistering episodes on the trot that dealt with internal and external rot, both of characters and of civil and moral direction, we finally arrive at the crossroads. This episode is may admirably juggle a whole slew of plotlines,(never dropping the ball once), but at the end of the day, its all about the beginnings of convergence.

So far, this season has been pretty damn merciless in putting its characters through an emotional and ethical wringer, and just when we figured we had the chance to come up for some clean air, unpolluted by the dead and the dying, we're thrust right into the story proper.

the characters are all established, the cards are mostly on the table, and the chessboard is set up for some wonderfully contrast and comparison between our two groups. One one side, we have our long-time companions, Rik and gang, and on the other, of course, we have the ever-festering core of the Woodbury apple. Its been a long time coming, not that we noticed, but an unstoppable force is about to encounter and immovable object, and its gonna be great.

We're not there yet, though.

No, this week is all about setup, and what a setup it is. Any questions regarding the ease of Michonne's departure from Phillips all-American deathtrap is settled immediately, with a tense, satisfyingly violent and even funny sequence which shows that our Katana wielding bad-girl is every bit as at home slicing and dicing the more mobile scum and villainy that pepper the apocalypse as she is the shuffling dead. Her wordless punchline to Merle's cynical comment to his nervous group is a perfect crowd-pleaser moment, and once again, the building if this character takes place not with words, but with actions. Michonne remains something of a mystery, but through her manoeuvres, her smarts and her well-honed killing skills, we're slowly coming to understand who this gal is. By the end of the episode, we've learnt she's not above asking for help, even if she will never say it out loud. Like all of our survivors, from Phillip to Rik, and from Daryl to Merle, theres a human being deep down under the hardened shell, scared to show itself for fear of the pack.

Well, maybe not Merle...

The big guy has been far more reserved this season than in the first, and it's a wise move to go this route. Sure, the racist sonofabitch was on crack or some shit when we met him, and wasn't exactly in a contemplative mood, but to keep the character at that level would have hurt the story being told. For one thing, Phillip would have put the fucker down on sight.

His cruelty and devious nature is still there in full force, though, as displayed by his cold-blooded solution to the 'Michonne' problem. Killing that kid may cover your tracks for now, Merle, but you can bet its gonna come back and bite you in the ass big time when your boss learns of your lie. We still haven't really seen what The Gov in truly capable of, but we have seen you do your thing, and if a supreme badass like yourself is scared of this guy, then frankly, so am I.

Speaking of the Gov, his true nature continues to surprise and confound. He's two parts gentle, intelligent leader and one part rage-fuelled, simmering psychosis, and is so well-versed at hiding his more base nature, that its easy to see how one would follow such a person. More and more, Phillip is calling to mind a perfect storm of cultish appeal and political savvy.

Rik's descent continues this week with a dark night of the soul following Lori's death. The scenes by that ringing phone managed to keep us guessing right until the conclusion. What begins as a dark, frightening look at a man breaking down, ends up becoming a tender passage of redemption. If last week we shed tears of despair in the wake of the most recent losses, this week, mercifully, we shed some tears of happiness. Seeing Rik with his kid is a beautiful moment. we know its going to be short-lived, but in a tale this bleak, these little glimmers of light sure do satisfy.

I mentioned way back at the beginning of this review, that HOUNDED is dealing with convergence, and its in the final scenes that we begin to reach our inevitable destination as Rik and crew's fate draws ever nearer. The groups are beginning to merge, with Glen and Maggie on one side, and Michonne on the other. Whats to come remains anyone's guess, but we can be sure of one thing....there will be blood.

Now that all the pieces are in place, it looks like we're all set for one hell of a showdown. HOUNDED lays the much necessary groundwork for future episodes, while maintaining the chaos, tension, heart and heartache that we all expect from the show.

Daryl finding Carol, and Rik finding himself may tempt us to hope, but the sight of a desperate Michonne standing among walkers at the prison gate heralds the coming of much worse, much more human danger. Hang in there, Glen and Maggie, I think I see your friends coming, riding many miles.

No score required. THE WALKING DEAD abides....

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you and yours a wonderful Turkey Day!

And if you have a long holiday weekend, enjoy!

retro photo source unknown

Review : Hellgate (2011)

 

Director:

John Penney

Writer:

John Penney

Stars:

Liz Burnette, Cary Elwes and John Henbest

This is a real shame..

I only learned about HELLGATE two days prior to its VOD release and I know they say you should never judge a book by it's cover;but that's exactly what I did with this one. Not just its cover, mind you, but its title. I'm a sucker for all things hellbound, and the artwork led me to believe that this would be the sort of film that comes along all to rarely, a hell-set horror with some real bite. Once again...I'm let down by my none-to-unrealistic expectations.

I've never understood why it seems so difficult to portray a valid hellscape onscreen. Its been portrayed with amazing vision and detail in many ways by many writers, (perhaps the most visionary being that of Edward Lee in his INFERNAL series(. There have been a few cinematic exceptions, of course...HELLRAISER and its sequel spring immediatly to mind, but for every film that proffers us a glimpse of Satan's crib, there's ten that promise so much but never bring the goods. Look at the otherwise excellent THE NINTH GATE. I waited two hours to catch a peek at the goods and all I got was bright light. How about DRAG ME TO HELL, which teased us with demonic imagery but never let us see the actual 'dragging' per-se, (and no...three seconds of bad CG doesn't count). Even CONSTANTINE, which portrays a very christian hellscape, only spends a few minutes there. Its not fair, man. I want me some hell to chew on.

HELLGATE doesnt even bother trying to depict any kind of hell at all, although on viewing, it becomes clear that there's no real reason to. The title is very misleading, you see, (it was originally titled SHADOWS, which while pretty poor, is far more accurate). Nope, HELLGATE is, for two thirds of its plat-time, a run-of-the-mill ghost story told, sadly, with little-to-no panache, creative zeal or verve. Its not a terrible film by any means...it's just so devoid of any real creative energy.

The plot revolves around some fella (Cary Elwes) who barely survives a terrible car crash in which his kid and his sexy Taiwanese wife are killed to bits. As he undergoes his recovery, (with help from an equally hot Taiwanese nurse...I really need to visit this place), he begins to experience visions...from beyond the grave!!! Stop me if you've heard this before. The premise here is mildly spiced up by adding some ritualistic silliness (by way of a severely slumming William Hurt), that may or may not have a basis in the regions traditional spiritualism, and the final thirty minutes does pick up visually and creatively, but its not enough to elevate this story from the mire. Its just too familiar, guys. Sorry.

I wont lie, Im a very easy scare when its comes to ghosts, apparitions and the paranormal, but HELLGATE couldn't muster one chill from me. For any genre fan, every scare will be old-hat, and every annoying jump-scare will be telegraphed way ahead of time, (seemingly on purpose by use of a grating, droning sound). The characters are very flat, the script is bare bones, and we never care one iota for the fates of these guys and girls. Elwes is a horror staple thanks to the SAW series, but he's not an actor with enough gravitas to pull something meaningful out of so little. I like the guy, and I believed him in SAW, but I'm never convinced by his performance here. Hurt fares better simply by being Hurt, but he too has nothing to work with. He convinces with ease, but there's nothing for the audience to hold onto.

Instead of character dynamics and intellect, we get fast-cut jump scares, some loud bangs, and a great deal of that shaky-head thing that JACOBS LADDER done so well, and that every other film has botched ever since. It just doesn't cut it. I really do believe that all involved tried to make a frightening film, but it never grips.

There are a few positives though...the film looks beautiful, (not least in its lead actress), and features some stunning scenery from the locations in and around Bangkok, and the ritualistic nature of certain scenes as the film moves from Bustling Bangkok to its jungle bound finale is mildly diverting, but that's about it, folks.

Theres really not much more to say about HELLGATE. It's really something of a non-entity. It doesn't insult and it may contain a few scares for the younger teen audience, but its a pretty hard work to slog through if your in any way horror-centric. I hate to say it, and I wish all the goodwill in the world to its creators, but I have to admit that it commits the most cardinal sin in the realm of horror...it's boring.

(And if you wanna check out some finer entries in our genre, head over to LOVEFILM, where you can watch movies online, anytime and as often as you wish, just skip this one).
 
3.5 Shaker-makers out of 10 

Review : The Walking Dead - Season 3 Episode 5 - Say the Word

Here be SPOILERS. Watch the episode before reading, guys.

Its five for five from THE WALKING DEAD so far, as the shows third season continues to startle, stun, shock and surprise. SAY THE WORD is yet another winner of the highest calibre.

After our opening scene, which ranks amongst the most disturbing and heartbreaking of the entire series, we're immediately thrust into the now dangerously fractured mind of one Rik Grimes; and the man isn't doing so good...

The episode begins almost as soon as last weeks KILLER WITHIN ended, with Rik suffering from shell shock after the death of his wife. Most startling about this opening scene is that Rik's pained vocalising of last week has rapidly been replaced with dead silence. The man says nothing at all this week as he goes about the business of violently externalising his agony. His one word comes at the very end, (and it's couldn't come at a better time), but his actions speak volumes as he sets off into the prison on a vengeful rampage, essentially mowing down all the walkers he sets eyes on. This is Rik as we've never seen him before...completely, frighteningly fucked up. Whether his insanity is temporary remains to be seen, but whats surely a certainty is that the trust that his group has put in him is going to be severely tested in the future, especially for Glen. Rik's morality and civility is crumbling before our very eyes now. Strangely, while all the fans clamoured for this level of darkness in the show, (and in Rik), is damned depressing to watch the leader of the group disintegrate this way.

Rik's been on a very dark path since way back. It could be argued that his descent began when he chose to step up and pull the trigger on Sofia, but I believe it was with the murder of his best friend that the rot truly started to settle in his bones. I have no doubt that he's still a good man inside, but he's fast losing all that he fought to hold onto...as murder and death become an everyday occurrence, his sense of right and wrong, and the vast grey areas in between, are tearing him apart. Add to this the loss of someone so dear to him, (and one of his only real anchors to hope, despite his recent coldness toward her), and its becoming clear that the once stoic and trusted leader may be becoming the most dangerous thing in the prison. I hope he can pull himself back from the abyss.

Rik's outwardly feral rampage this week is smartly contrasted with the events in Woodbury, as the Gov and his people are preparing for a special night of partying and celebrating their small victories over the encroaching apocalypse. Andrea and Michonne, (who shows some much needed character depth here), are still at loggerheads over just what this community truly represents, and it all comes to a head this week, as Michonne does some amateur investigatory work, and finds herself some zombie-pens, and a pointedly strange journal in the office of the big guy himself. Its all great stuff and once again, David Morrissey is brilliant as The Gov, (especially in the moments when he wrongly suspects Michonne knows of his daughter), but the real meat is this episode is an intellectual one, as the lines are being surprisingly blurred between Rik and the man who will surely become his nemesis.

Both men have many striking similarities...they are both family men, who have both lost too much to bare. They both appear willing to do anything to keep their families, (and their people) alive, including the killing of practically anyone who may, (and the key word is 'may', here), be a threat. Both men are driven by demons that seem too powerful to defeat, and both are born leaders.

The differences are as sublime as the parallels...Rik wears his emotions on his sleeve for all the world to see. The Gov hides it behind a winning smile and a charming demeanour. Rik struggles to continue to do what he believes is the right thing, (even though it most likely caused the death of his wife), whereas The Gov has accepted the moral decay that this new world demands, and is using his rage to conquer at any cost. Both men have a deep desire to look after their people, but they're motivations and methods appear to be eons apart.

The real crux of these characters and their dynamics is that neither man is entirely good, or entirely bad. The Gov may simply just be a little father down the line than Rik. After all, we know whats become of his firstborn...

SAY THE WORD throws up some pretty unexpected questions for the viewer...not least of which being, 'Who would I rather stand with? Rik or Phillip?'

Its a question I never expected to be asking myself, and as yet I'm unsure of the answer. I cant blame The Governor's reaction to his beloved daughter's condition at all. His 'entertainment' this week was initially pretty shocking, but his justification of it rang very true to me. If I had lost my loved ones to the undead, I would want my blood-lust, and my fear, to be satiated. The manner in which The Gov calculates his mastery of the walkers/biters is no more brutal that Rik's axe-swinging carnage. Both are forms of catharsis, both are disgusting, but one of them may actually serve to lift the community from the fear that has paralysed it since the plague began, and that one ain't Rik's.

It's a clear example of a deeply troubled man using his wits and his cunning to overcome the seemingly impossible, and it makes for great leadership. Phillip is clearly a very dangerous individual, and I think we're going to learn just how dangerous very soon. Michonne may have walked free, but for Andrea, it may be too late. There;s much more going on with this charismatic bastard than we're seeing.

If the whole episode is essentially played out as some very exciting and tense food for thought, the final scene is the icing on the cake, and manages to take the show to even more grim depths than before...

As Rik finds a spent casing, and a puddle of his wife's brains, on the floor where she died, he hears moaning and comes across what we quickly realise is a very well-fed zombie. The hair caught in its teeth give away the game....this walker has been feasting on the still warm corpse of his dead wife, and has had quite the bellyful. Rik's actions in these closing moments speak volumes as he not only stares into its dead eyes as he kills it, but he stabs its gut repeatedly. It seems that the Rik who felt sympathy for the first walker he encountered way back in the pilot, is long gone. He's not only seeing these poor creatures as obstacles here...this is deeply personal. Worse still, did anyone else notice the voice that whispers , 'Murder them' just as Rik spots the walker? You may have missed it, but it's there, and if this is Riks inner voice, who is it referring to? The undead, or the people he may hold responsible for his wifes demise. Its very telling that he stabs the zombie is the stomach repeatedly, and the stomach very much resembles a pregnancy. Does he blame the child for Lori's death?

Other scenes in SAY THE WORD point at brief glimmers of light, as we see Darryl step up in Rik's absence. He looks every inch the leader the group needs at this point, and his scenes with the newborn baby are very touching, as is his journey with Maggie through the primary school, where a certain childish decoration opens some old wounds. We still have no word on Carol's whereabouts, though the group believe her dead, and its anyone guess where this thing is going to go next week, but for now, THE WALKING DEAD remains king of the hill.
 
SAY THE WORD may be a less frenetic episode than last weeks heart-stopper, but its every bit as riveting. Makeup legend Nicoterro directs with real flair, and the script is drum-tight. We continue to go from strength to strength in this none-more-bleak epic.  Fight the dead, Fear the living. Indeed....

Oh, and now we finally know what gets Michonne's rocks off. Good play.


You know the score...don't make me write it.

All New Holiday Arrivals at Paris Hotel Boutique!

Please join us to be the first to preview our finest offerings for the season at Paris Hotel Boutique! Fifty items have been added to the shop today. Highlights include:

• Vintage Harrod's Store Display Stand
• Early 1900s French Savoy Opera Menus
• Pink Opaline & Murano Pieces
• Estate Diamond Stack Bands
• Antique Pendants
• Antique French Travel Set
• Large Collection of Hotel Silver & much, much more!

Please click here to see our latest additions... 

images: Kassie Borreson, Haus Frau Fotografie

Review : Paranorman (2012)

 

Directors:

Chris Butler, Sam Fell

Writer:

Chris Butler

Stars:

Kodi Smit-McPhee, Anna Kendrick and Christopher Mintz-Plasse

A misunderstood boy takes on ghosts, zombies and grown-ups to save his town from a centuries-old curse.

Now, I don't pretend to know a great deal about the intricacies of stop-motion, but I sure as hell know what I like, and I'll take stop-motion over CG any day of the week.

Nothing against CG artists...they do an incredible job, but for this old rodeo rider, there's very few things in the world of cinema that can captivate and charm like a solid, traditional animated tale. I grew up with Ray Harryhausen's cavalcade of creatures, and I still return to those magical films regularly...they never fail to resurrect the monster-mad kid that lives in my time-weathered soul. Its even more impressive to view a full film created in stop motion, and few horror fans will proclaim anything but love for A NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and MAD MONSTER PARTY, and its into this very small, but very much loved family that PARANORMAN belongs.

The most obvious and striking thing here is, of course, the visuals. The world in which the tale takes place is simply beautiful to behold.Its pretty hard to grasp the imagination its creators must possess to give such vivid life to these characters and their environments. Normals town is simply brimming with vibrant, ghoulish life. His world is one that's both delightful on the eye, yet strangely warped. Like all good family horror, PARANORMAN implements all the staples of the genre that we often subconsciously love; from ghouls and ghosts, to Ghost-House-luminescent green lighting, fog and gnarled forestry. Its a world peppered with genre in-jokes and a shamelessly geeky understanding of genre cinema. All is shot with an autumnal palette that really gives the film that 'Halloween' flavor.

In short...its a horror fans wet dream, and is sure to elicit gasps of joy from audiences of all ages as we travel deeper into this truly authentic and engrossing world. This ole' geek has no words to describe the admiration I feel for the artists, which makes it all the more saddening that there are so few of these old school movies released these days. If nothing else grabs you in this film, the stop-motion universe sure will suck you into its majesty, and you'll willingly succumb. In recent memory, only TRICK 'R' TREAT has so perfectly encapsulated what makes horror so beloved.

Now, onto the story..

PARANORMAN comes across like a twisted, Gothic fairy tale that melds retro cinema magic with a more cynical, modern bite. In the character of Norman, many horror fans will find real kinship. His bedroom is garbed with all manner of horror memorabilia, and he's something of an outcast in his school life and at home due to his love for all things macabre...who does that remind you of? He even has the HALLOWEEN them as his ringtone.

Okay, so most of us don't communicate with ghosts on a daily basis, but we can all relate to a slightly quirky kid who's tastes flow more easily to the dark side of life. Hes a great lead character, and a surprisingly deep and layered one for an animated family film. There's real warmth and humanity put into these once inanimate models. Take one look at the actors involved, (see above), and as you would imagine, the voice cast are stellar, with the mighty John Goodman stealing the show even in limited capacity as Norman's estranged, and strange, uncle, (who shares Normans gift of communing with the deceased).

And its funny too, in a quirky, slightly queasy way. The jokes are often tinged with black humor, but often hit the mark as Normans world becomes ever more strange. For example, one early scene features the ghost of a family pet that has been sliced in half...the front half trots around behind the back half to sniff its own ass. Some would say its dark, or even distasteful, but I can see kids being delighted by this stuff. Kids are far less fragile than we think, and the many horror/adult elements that the film boasts should be plain sailing for most children. Haunted woods, spooky green witches and the living dead are all, well...kids stuff. The more adult themes, (which are central to the story) of familial acceptance, persecution, grief and injustice are deftly handled and with a real warmth. Our young ones can take it, at least when portrayed in such a gentle manner as they are here.

Don't get me wrong, the film does contain some freakishly tense moments, (for kids, I mean); I'm just saying that that is no bad thing. We all grew up with this sort of stuff. It shaped who we are. We'd be some unbelievable bastards if we didn't allow our little ones the same pleasures. When I think of horror in my head, I don't think of MARTYRS, or I SAW THE DEVIL. As great as those more adult works of horror are, I think of the glorious Technicolor terrors of the classic Hammer Films, or the fog-enshrouded forests of THE WOLFMAN. Childhood is the place where our love of the macabre takes root, and PARANORMAN fits perfectly into that mold. The constantly eerie visuals...the dark humor...the genuine love for horror past and present...the heartfelt message behind the tale...all these things conspire to make this a dead-cert future Halloween classic.

My daughter has only been on this planet for just over a year, and when watching PARANORMAN, only two things kept crossing my mind...1/ This is fucking awesome, and 2/ I can't wait to watch this with my baby girl. You cant really ask for more than that.

The story isn't exactly original, but that's besides the point here. this isn't about originality for all of us. For the kids, sure, but for the adults its all about familiarity and wistful memory. the balance is near perfect. There's also a timely and thoughtful message behind the tale which is easy to grasp for children without being in any way inauthentic. What we got here is a lovely blend of genre excess and emotional subtlety that holds up with the very best family films out there.

PARANORMAN will appeal to all ages. Its charm and wit will win over non-horror fans, and its ghoulish visual pizzazz will have old school fans salivating. Kids will adore and relate to the central character and his offbeat friends,(Mintz-Plasse is particularly hilarious), and the cinephiles will have a confidently crafted, stylishly directed and beautifully scored slice of offbeat cinema to chew on.

If, like myself, you a cineaste, an old school horror fan and a kid, (inside your heart),...well, you just found yourself a new Halloween tradition that just begs to be passed down to the younger generation. PARANORMAN is a fun, bittersweet tale that will captivate and touch audiences of all ages.

9 Witch-Hunters out of 10

Horror Hotel Cinema : 100 Scariest Moments (2003)

Hi folks...Hotel Management here with a long overdue return to the Horror Hotel Cinema...

Tonight, we're going for something a little different. In place of the usual B-Movies, J-Horror and Cult Classics; tonights show will consist of what, if I remember correctly, was a two-part TV show that aired around nine years ago in the UK.

At that time, a vote was taken to try and discover what Britain considered the scariest moments in television and cinema history. The results were often surprising, hugely nostalgic, and served to remind many viewers, (myself included), of some of the moments that chilled our souls as kids in the 80's and beyond. For many, I'm sure it was an educational experience also. I personally have the entire QUATERMASS series sat proudly atop my DVD collection, and I'm not sure it would be there were I to have missed this thing. It ranks among my fave box-sets, and I had never even heard about this legendary, (and still terrifying), BBC serial until I slapped my eyeballs on what you'll find below.

So, settle back for a long, fun-filled trip down memory lane with a look at the 100 SCARIEST MOMENTS, as voted for by the UK. Your in for a real treat, and you'll be meeting a whole host of familiar fiends, including Myers, Kruger, Mrs Voorhees, Sadako, Pinhead and many more. Not to mention it'll make for brilliant debate fodder among you and your more geekish buddies.

Your welcome!

Head's Up! New Arrivals Tomorrow!

 

The holidays are upon us and tomorrow Paris Hotel Boutique showcases our new arrivals! Lots of new pieces will be available for purchase at 8:00 am PST/11:00 am EST.

I'll give you another 'shout out' tomorrow morning!

Until then, have a most wonderful week!

 

image from here

Review : The Walking Dead - Season 3 Episode 4 - Killer Within

Spoilers - Watch the episode before reading on!

We're four episodes into the stellar third season of AMC's THE WALKING DEAD, and the show continues to go from strength to strength with what must surely be the most emotionally impactful episode so far.

Tonight's chapter showed off the shows new-found enormous set of balls in all their glory, by pulling the rug from under us with not one but two completely unexpected deaths. One of which will have real repercussions for the character's foreseeable futures. Not only was tonight's finale a heart-breaker; it was just about as dark and nihilistic as anything I can ever remember witnessing on television.

Lori's devastating farewell to Carl was, no matter where you stand on her character, a true tearjerker. Brutal and tender in equal measure. The woman may have done more wrong than right since the dead began to walk, but damn if I wasn't starting to sympathise with her. It was very sad to her go for a number of reasons. Not least in that her last interaction with her soul mate was a longing look through a jailhouse fence from a distance. No words were spoken, no one got to make amends. Love was not rekindled. The small moment between the two hinted at a possible reunion of the family that will now never be. Rik will never have a chance to make amends, the new born baby has been robbed of a mother, (and maybe a father), and lets not forget Carl...

Its been said before by many involved, that TWD is Carl's story, and with the events of KILLER WITHIN, its very much starting to feel that way. Like Lori, Carl is morphing from vastly annoying to genuinely likable, and as a father, its damn hard not to shed a tear thinking of a child having to kill his own mother. Living in the world he's in; if this kid doesn't grow up to be a psychopath, I'll eat my own sheriff's hat. No kid should have to bear this sort of weight. The use of a flashback during this scene really seals the deal....this boys innocence is gone forever. There wont be any more playing in the sun, or exploring for the sheer joy of it. Nope, it's all business now. He's no longer a kid, (or rather, he's no longer allowed to be a kid). In fact, he's making choices I'm not sure his father could make. The young actor who's playing Carl pulls off the performance too, (no easy feat), and coupled with Lori's final words to the son she loves, and has failed, the scene is a kick in the gut. That said, what then came only got worse.

Rik's reaction to Lori's death, and his realisation that his first born son had put her down, was tender, human and very authentic. Normally in my home country of Scotland, men only ever cry over spilt beer, but if Lori's death didn't completely reduce grown men to bubbling wrecks, this scene was sure to finish the job. Its hard to see where Rik can go from here, other than deeper and deeper into madness. At the moment, I don't see a way for the big guy to fight through this and maintain his spirit. And what in God's name is gonna happen to that poor baby!?

We also lost T-Dog tonight, and while his death was felt far less than Lori's, it still smarted. The big guy was beginning to come into his own this season. I would have liked to get to know him better, (and perhaps that's the effect Mazzara and crew were going for - make the man's death matter more, through the knowledge of what could have been).

While the prison is fraught with terror and chaos in tonight's episode, the scenes in Woodbury play out in sharp contrast, as we get to know the Governor a little better, and spend more time within his seemingly idyllic community. As with previous scenes in this dead-free wonderland, there is a constant undercurrent of darkness and deceit. Its to the creators credit that the town setting actually manages to feel less safe than the prison. TWD is benefiting greatly from these expansions to its mythos. Nowhere feels safe. Even as Andrea and The Gov practically eye-fuck each over over drinks, the sense of dread and ever-deteriorating morality is always present.  If up until tonight this season has been growing steadily more dark'; the lights have now officially gone all the way out.

Even as Woodbury's citizens wander vacantly through their post-apocalyptic paradise, the truth is slowly beginning to the surface, via the ever-resilient fan fave, Michonne. Her character hasn't had a great deal of time to develop up till this point, (I'm sure we'll see that in the near-future), but as far as Woodbury is concerned, she's our eyes and ears. If Andrea is our hope for a better future, Michonne is our cynical paranoid side....the side that usually keeps us safe. This surface-simple burb is teeming with questions, and Michonne is the only one who's asking them. If I were her, I'd be a little less open in expressing my doubts.....if we've learnt anything, its that the Gov is not a man with whom to fuck, (although try telling that to Andrea).

And as for questions...they just keep mounting. Something that's playing on my mind is just who exactly led the dead into the prison yard. We're to believe it was Andrew, but if he was acting alone, then who the hell was watching Carol in the previous episode? And where is Carol anyway?

KILLER WITHIN, as with the rest of this season so far, finds a spot-on balance between intrigue, mystery, building dread and outright horror. This is as bleak as the show has ever been, (even topping Sofia's death), and its just as it should be. I'm gonna have to stop rating this season episode by episode, as its gonna become rather predictable. Yep...its full marks again for the best damn show on television, and the finest zombie epic of all time, bar none. I just hope Rik can hold onto himself in the coming days and weeks, but on THE WALKING DEAD, no one seems safe.

10 Bullet-holes out of 10

It's Election Day!

American friends, get out early or go late, but please vote! It's so very important! Hope your lines aren't too long!

Review : The Walking Dead Season 3 Episode 3 - Walk With Me

After two enthralling weeks spent inside the progressively desperate minds of Officer Rik Grimes and his motley crew of survivors; THE WALKING DEAD takes a bold, first-time venture,( and a risky one at that) By casting its gaze far from the wonderfully bleak prison setting and our long-suffering gang for an entire episode, and focusing on opening up the world in which the tale is set; the risk pays off in dividends. This is one of the very best episodes since the shows debut.

While its initially strange to realise that the only anchors to familiarity in 'Walk With Me', will be Andrea, and to some degree her new best buddy, and fan-favorite, Michonne; we soon settle into this fresh, unfolding story, and it's every bit as engaging as the prison.

We pick up where we left of in the season premier with Michonne and Andrea struggling day to day to keep breathing. Andrae is dangerously ill, and no place feels safe. When they spot a downed helicopter and investigate, they find they are not teh only souls out there in the rot and ruin who are curious about the crash. Two cars pull up, and out step a group of well armed, healthy looking and potentially deadly men. Its a thrilling opening.

Not least because, finally, we meet the man himself....The Governor.

Its been a long time coming. Fans have been salivating for this most infamous of villains for quite some time now, and he doesn't disappoint. Needless to say, he's portrayed with perfect poise and predatory menace by David Morrisey. What we have here is perhaps the shows most complex and layered character so far. This is no black and white bad guy. He's all shades of grey...equal parts charming and dedicated politico and cold-hearted psychopathic bastard. A very hard man to read.

In fact, for most of the episode, those unaware of just who this guy is, will most likely find him perfectly likable, even admirable. Some of you may still feel the same way come the episodes chilling and surprising finale. Getting a bead on this guy is like catching mist in the palm of your hand. Where the character will go is unknown, but its a tantalizing prospect having this particular leader bump heads with Rik

After all, we soon learn that somehow, this particular community leader has managed to reclaim a small slice of cicilisation. He has created a well-gaurded community with no less than seventy three members, including women, children and even family pets. He has electricty up and running. Fresh water. A medical team. A well-trained and well armed team of guards, (including a familiar face to long-time viewers), and a safe and idyllic way of life awaiting those he chooses to bring into the fold.

Alternativly, Rik has a filthy prison block, very little food, ten or so survivors, no direction, a rapidly deteriorating sense of civility and for a medical outfit, he has a one-legged, half-dead veterinarian and a grieving mother who performs caesarian sections on zombies. Its easy to choose which team you may wanna play for, given the opportunity....

Though things are not what they seem in the picture perfect town on Woodbury. Safety and comfort come at a cost, as we come to realize in a shocking and powerful scene that, in effect, re-introduces this mysterious 'Governor' in a more true form. This is a man who's willing to do anything to protect his people, or is that to protect his power?

Thats the beauty of such a character...we have no idea, (unless we're readers of the comics, of course. And that aint no gaurentee, either), of where this guy is going. So far, he's a moral conundrum. Dedicated and driven, but by what? Hints at a past tragedy suggest this may be a damaged soul looking to do some good in this brave new world, but we all now how power corrupts, and in a town where the hierarchy goes unquestioned; tyranny can easily find a dark place to nestle.

The episode ends on some chilling imagery that poses more questions than it answers about this enigmatic, imposing man, and it leaves us breathless to know more.

Throw into the mix a creepy scientist, a susceptible Andrea, and the first real scenes of character development for the fierce Michonne, and you have a stone cold winner that points to a very bright and emotionally and intellectually engaging future for the show.

There is very little zombie action in 'Walk With Me', and its a good thing. The first two episodes were action heavy, and while its a blast, we want to know these people. This one is all character and story. If the pace is slowed down, the sense of dread and trepidation is sped up, and our understanding of whats at stake living in this nightmare world, is deepened.

THE WALKING DEAD season three continues its stellar run and has found the seemingly perfect balance of action and suspense, and is only growing more thrilling, and dark, with each progressive episode. The show has hit its stride and then some. With the world opening up to endless possibilities for moral and physical conflict, and with Rik's first truly formidable opponent looming large over proceedings, the show can only go from strength to strength.

Fight the dead by all means, but for Gods sake, fear the living...

All hail The Governor.

10 Aquariums out of 10

Review : The Bay (2012)

Director:

Barry Levinson

Writer:

Michael Wallach

Stars:

Kristen Connolly, Jane McNeill and Christopher Denham
 
Those among you looking for an antidote to the tired and tiresome onslaught of inept. ambition-free found footage horror totally squanders the sub-genres inherent ability to disquiet; need look no further. THE BAY is by far the most disturbing, unpleasant, gripping and downright horrific found footage film in many a moon, perhaps ever.

Playing out as a documentary, created and compiled from a huge number of video sources, THE BAY takes the faux-documentary sub-genre and combines it with large scale outbreak movies such as last years brilliant CONTAGION, to create an almost unbearably convincing slice of ecological horror. This is the sort of film that will turn many off. Its repulsive in its unflinching depiction of a viral outbreak spreading throughout an idyllic community, and is relentless in its desire to terrorise the viewer. Yet this is what true horror is aiming for. Its all too realistic, and it may destroy your appetite for the foreseeable future, but its an endurance test worth taking, to witness just how effective found footage horror can be when done right.

THE BAY opens, somewhat disconcertingly, with real-life media footage from a few years back. Some of you may remember a couple of years ago, there was an unexplainable phenomena occurred in the US, as thousands of birds simply dropped from the skies dead. The government handed out some ludicrous explanations, and the public, or at least those who were less well-informed, bought the bullshit. To this day, there has never been a solid, or believable explanation for the avian deaths, at least not from the 'authorities'.

To use this disturbing event as the jumping point for the horrors to come is a masterstroke. As we remain to this day unaware of the real cause, its very easy to make the jump to regarding THE BAY as being non-fiction. The causes, as detailed in the film, feel like they most certainly could happen. Its a realistic theory, and the movie is all the more authentic and terrifying for it.

From here, we're introduced to the small, seaside town of Claridge. We meet its people, and we get an immediate feel for its quiet, gentle ambiance. The town is the main character here, and its population are our guides into its all too terrible death. Through police-camera's, high street CCTV, home video, news footage and interviews, we follow Claridge and her people through one unholy 4th of July, when her much-abused waters unleash what appears to be a virus on the townsfolk. Years of greed-fuelled pollution are about to rise to the surface, and nature is about to bite back. We stand as witness to the carnage.

There are many characters here, yet we only get to know them incrementally, what matters, as in CONTAGION, is the ease with which humanity as a whole can be decimated. Among those we follow through this hell are an amateur news reporter, the town mayor, some marine biologists and, a young couple who are headed to Claridge to visit family. We care for these people despite never knowing them, because they are us. Whats more, in a very astute move, the family-filmed footage of the happy young couple and their newborn child, is inter-cut with the horror taking place in Claridge, as they make their way there by boat. They remain horrifyingly unaware of what their sailing into, and as the virus spreads, the stomach churning images are inter-cut with the carefree family, as they inexorably head towards hell. Its a fantastic way of keeping the tension at a constant high. Not least, because they have a beautiful child with them. Its never far from the viewers mind just what could happen to that baby should they enter the bay.

Theres a real sense of truth to the spread of the virus, and the way its handled, or mishandled, as the story progresses. This is fiction, yes, but it has a truthfulness to it that is hard to shake. It kicks off fast and it never lets up for a second. a warning though, if body horror is something that you'd rather avoid, its best to steer clear of this one. Things get very sickening very fast. I won't give away the effects of the virus, but rest assured, its skin-crawlingly nightmarish. You may never want to enter the ocean again after seeing THE BAY.

If theres any downside, its that some may find the use of a few recognisable actors breaks the spell a little, and there are a few jump scares which, while very effective, can feel a tad forced given the serious tone of the film. At some points it feels a little too cinematic, and its clear nods to JAWS may detract from the realism, yet these are very minor quibbles. For most, THE BAY will be among this years most unpleasant, horrifying and scary movies.

Director Levinson and writer Wallach have tapped into some truly primal horrors here, not to mention some very pertinent social worries regarding our money-blinded, immoral governments, and THE BAY should see audiences squirming in horror at its potent eco-terrors, if and when it gets a fully deserved wide release.

Kiss your love of the ocean goodbye....again.

9 Isopods out of 10

Review : Paranormal Lack of Activity 4 (2012)

Authors Note : First of all, lemme just say HAPPY HALLOWEEN to everyone!

Sorry it's so belated, but my Internet was down for an extended period of time, and unfortunately, it happened just as our fave time of year came calling. So be it, gotta take the rough with the smooth, man. I did manage to watch a ridiculous amount of Horror during the season, as is my duty and my passion, and have a tidy little backlog of films to set about reviewing, (including, of course, THE WALKING DEAD S3E3). Bear with me folks. Now, onto the first of this months reviews....

Oh, and this review/rant will feature some spoilers, as its impossible to detail the films myriad flaws without exploring some of the plots more ridiculous twists. I'll keep the spoilers to a minimum, guys, although there's really nothing to spoil.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4, should you not already be aware of this, is a full-tilt  disaster. I'll just throw that out there right off the bat for anyone who may be about to make the dire mistake of paying to see this nonsense. I'll give my reasons why its such a mess in due time, but in the slim chance your glancing at this review just as your putting on your jacket and heading for the door; mark my words.....do NOT pay to see this thing.

Buy something nice for your better half. Buy some Scotch and drink yourself good-looking. Hell, give your money to that homeless fella with the winning smile outside your local cornershop. I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself for doing it, and he deserves it a fuck-sight more than the makers of this franchise killer, even if he is sniffing bath-salts.

Speaking of the franchise; I'm a fan, by the way...

The first one scared the living daylights out of me, (despite the awful alterations made to its final moments), and as a standalone film, it was very satisfying. Its one of the few films in a long time that stayed with me long after its conclusion. It still gives me the fear when I watch it alone. Its potent, dread-filled and downright unsettling.

The second was really just more of the same, yet with a wider scope. It worked, not least in its addition of a newborn child into the mix. It was slow, but it was powerful.

The third shocked me, and gave the series a much needed kick in the nuts. It opened up the world more, and gave all those who bemoaned the first two films slower pacing, something to smile about. Its many peoples favourite. Me, I'll take the first one any day of the week, but each to their own...

Now, onto four.

I must admit, I went into this one with very low expectations. I'd read some reviews, and the general consensus was that this franchise had fallen into unworthy hands. I expected a cash-grab. Perhaps a somewhat tired retread of previous glories....despite all this, I had to see it for myself, (as I'm sure many of you will, too), but for once, I wish I'd listened to the masses. This was much worse than I could have imagined. It was almost unwatchable.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 begins with a short flashback to the events of part 2, when a demon-possessed Katie got a little kill-happy and abducted her nephew. In film 3, a prequel, we unearthed a few mysteries about what this demon was all about, so it should be instantly engaging now that we finally get to return to the present, and learn what has become of baby Hunter and his hellish nanny...

It's around five years later, and we're introduced to a new family, who just happen to live across the street from Katie, (what has she been doing all this time? Is she still possessed? Is she holding down a fucking job?), and her 'son', now known as Robbie. When Katie suddenly takes ill, our new family decide to take in her creepy-ass kid, (despite not knowing Katie OR the goddam kid...who are these people?), and strange shit immediatly starts to happen as Robbie befriends their own son. The daughter of the family and her perma-horny boyfriend decide to record all the 'activity' via laptops, in an attempt to get to the bottom of these strange events. Cue the same old shit minus the tension, dread, anticipation or intelligence of the previous three films.

It takes almost an hour before we get to ANY of the spooky stuff, (other than some old-hat, creepy kid stuff that's not even close to engaging), and when we do, its all the tricks we've seen before, only done so much better in the past. If the blueprint for a sequel is 'bigger/bolder/better' then the folks behind this soulless money-monster must have missed the memo. Everything here is small scale. Not subtle, mind you, just small scale and poorly handled.

Remember that scene in film 3 where everything in the kitchen clashes to the floor at once, propelling you from your seat? You got a sense of the demons malice, right? Not to mention one hell of a fright. Here, we have a knife. Just one. It floats to the ceiling, where it then apparently stays for a day or so, before dropping again. (is the demon holding it up there for some reason?) Thing is, the idea of this knife hanging over the families collective heads could have been a real crowd-pleaser and acted as a fine metaphor for the events unfolding. It could have made for a very tense setpiece. Instead, the knife floats up to the roof, only to eventually plunge back down and MISS the character its (perhaps) aiming for. The scene goes nowhere. This is all the more infuriating when you come to realise later on that all the kills are performed in the exact same manner asin  the previous movies. They could have went someplace new with this. Maybe go in an OMEN direction, with a freak accident leading to paranioa, mistrust and friction within the family unit. But no, the fucking knife just falls back down. Wow, this demon is such a badass....

I mentioned that it takes more than half the movie before the ghostly goings on really begin, but rest assured, before that point, you WILL sit watching static camera's for full minutes at a time, only to have either a loud bang or a cat jump at the screen, (yes, a fucking cat...thats how far gone down the plughole we are here, kids). Its all as predictable and boring as hell, and when the demon finally decides to get off his lazy ass and get down to some haunting, nothing has any significance. He levitates a girl from the bed, then sets her back down while she sleeps...why? He floats that fucking knife then drops it in front of the Dad instead of killing him...why? He plays (Kinect?), with the creepy children instead of doing fulfilling his mission of claiming Hunters soul....why?

Its all just filler to keep us watching as we crawl on bloodied knees, painfully and agonsingly towards the conclusion, which is no conclusion at all. Any questions that may have arisen from previous films are either swept aside or outright ignored in favour of massive plot-holes. The poster for this fucker claimed, 'All the activity has led to this..' Led to what?! Nothing fucking happens!

Its not until the last five minutes that we get anything worth chewing on, and just as it starts to look like this may be going somewhere, it ends. No conclusion, no thrills. Maybe sixty seconds of strange unexplained shit thats supposed to make up for the 88 minutes of nothing we've just been subjected to. Thanks for that.

The film does try to spice things up with the introduction of Xbox Kinect, (I shit you not). We come to learn the admittedly cool fact that if you look at Kinect through night vision, you can see the thousands of laser markers/motion detectors, (or whatever), that pick up the movement of the person playing. Of course, this is gonna be used to show us the demon right. Could be very cool, (at least its something new), but what we get instead of a horrifying outline of some unthinkable devil, is countless shots of a room covered in laser-dots, and finally, inexplicably, what appears to be the ghost of a child.

Hold on, arent we supposed to be dealing with a cloven-hooved demon here? Is our demon pal now in child form? Can he shapeshift? I guess so, but no ones fucking clue-ing me in, so I'll just assume this is thoughtless bullshit, shall I? Also, why is the Kinect left on for two weeks straight without someone, a parent perhaps, yelling at the kids to stop wasting fucking electricity. We're in economic freefall here, children...turn your goddam console off already!

Lets not forget, while all this dumb shit is going down, our intrepid leads are filming and recording EVERYTHING via a collection of laptops, yet after the first two nights, they NEVER go back to examine the footage. Had they done so, they would have found ghost boys, floating knives, moving chairs, asshole cats, and oh yeah, ONE OF THEM LEVITATING IN THEIR SLEEP! Might have been a good idea to actually look at the footage you filmed, you MTV-zombified clowns! Sherlock Holmes these kids are not.

In PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4, plot-hole and narrative inconstistancy reign supreme. Without giving a great deal way, there are some plot twists concerning the two young boys that make no sense at all in the grand scheme of things

In all honesty, those two teens who take centre stage are the only halfway decent thing in this damn film. They have nothing to work with, yet somehow they remain likable, (despite their Bush-level idiocy). The boy in particular is pretty funny. Amazingly though, I didn't go to see this to get in on some teen hijinks. I came to see a demon kicking balls. I came to piece together the mystery that the previous films set up so well. I came to be scared.

And thats the crucial failing of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4....its just not scary. More than that, its downright boring, and very difficult to sit through, even at 88 minutes. It may seem a little harsh of a tad too nitpicky to tear a film apart in this manner, but you know what....people are paying to see this dreck, and they deserve better. The pre-teens who think this is what horror is all about need to be enlightened, and garbage like this only hinders the cause. And all to make some easy money.

This is as souless and as miserable as any horror film I've come across in recent memory. It lacks any spark of intrigue, originality or intellect, and it may well have killed a much-loved franchise that, (while I believe should have ended at three), could have pushed the boat out in fun new ways as current technology advances. There is no narrative drive, no momentum, nothing to hold onto or empathise with, no build-up, no answers to the pertinent questions, and absolutly none of the magic or imagination that elevated the previous three films to 'Halloween Tradition' status.

For many horror fans, watching PA4 is no less soul-raping than the trauma a Star Wars fan felt when they first witnessed the prequel trilogy. This is a monumental fuck-up and a huge step back for mainstream genre cinema. And you know what, I have a cat at home, and when the little furry bastard jumps on my laptop, I don't find it in any way entertaining. In fact, it pissed me off. Now WHY would I wanna pay for it?!

Fuck this movie.

1 Xbox Product-Placement out of 10

Review : The Walking Dead - Season 3 Episode 2 -Sick

!POSSIBLE SPOILERS!

Rik and the gang has successfully cleared out C-Block, but a new problem arises as they discover they're not alone in the Prison...

Any doubts regarding the huge leap in quality this season should be put to bed with this, the second episode. It made sense that last weeks debut would be a relentless thrill-ride, but no one expected the quality of the writing to ascend so high so quickly. As great as the opener was, for many, worries still lingered. Could the pace be kept up, could the tension be maintained, could the characters continue with this new found sense of purpose? The answer is yes. Shame on all you doubters. It ain't all zombies, but it sure as hell is all tension.

After leaving us on one hell of a cliffhanger last week in seasons 3's opening episode, THE WALKING DEAD returns and gives no quarter in its new found merciless mission to kill by suspense. After Hershell got himself chewed on, (which messed with my head very badly, as he's my fave member of the group), and Rik lopped off the better part of his leg, we were quickly introduced to the remaining prisoners, and straight away we're thrust back into the moment, full-tilt-boogie.

It's okay, you can admit it...many of you assumed that what we would have here would be a moral dilemma that would take perhaps three or four episodes to conclude. Much like the fence kid in Season 2, you figured Rik would spend days or weeks ruminating on the spiritual implications of 'survival of the fittest'. Hell, I adore this show, but I sorta expected it myself. Not happening, though...THE WALKING DEAD is no longer treading water.

Nope, this particularly tension-fuelled situation is resolved by the end of the episode, in the most satisfying and brutal fashion imaginable. If there were any of us left in any doubt about Rik's continuing rise to the position of badass leader, this should put that shit back in the bag. Most of the episode deals with how Rik will handle the problem of living beside some potentially dangerous criminals. and this time, he handles it like a boss. as we cheer him on, our hearts break for him as his humanity starts to truly dwindle. This ain't the upstanding cop of yesteryear, and the toll of this new world is really starting to show. It's making for riveting viewing.

The suspense in these scenes is incredible as the viewer shares a palpable sense of uncertainty with Rik and the boys. The spectre of sudden violence looms large throughout the episode, and when the levee breaks, it's hugely satisfying.

In contrast to these hyper-tense scenes, we had the situation with my man, Hershell, as the group battle desperately to save his life. There are some deeply affecting moments here. One in particular, wherein Maggie urges her father to find his peace while her heart quietly breaks, is truly a four-tissue- problem, and the conclusion to this story strand is as heartwarming and gentle as the prisoner subplot is vicious and cold. All in all, it's quite the roller-coaster.

Lori continues her transformation into something resembling a compassionate human, and has some of the very best moments this episode, but the real treat here is Carol, who has gone from depressive mouse to authoritative, determined and pro-active. She's one of the groups most positive members now. I feel like I'm living in Homer J Simpson's 'Opposite Land', and I don't wanna fucking leave.

Its official now...I'm calling it. THE WALKING DEAD has found its true footing. The blend of action, terror and drama is pitch perfect. This episode was fast and furious, yet lost none of the character nuance and depth that we've come to love and expect from the show. The dialogue is sharper, the violence hits harder and the surprises just keep coming. No cliffhanger this week, just a quiet, touching moment between Rik and his estranged wife, wherein his actions speak volumes and his emotional isolation becomes very clear.

One thing though....who is that watching Carol from the woods, as she works on the walker? I gotta know, dammit!

Is next week here yet?

10 Z-Sections out of 10

Review : Wrong Turn 5 (2012)

WRONG TURN 5?

Did I miss the memo or something?

Last time I looked there was a WRONG TURN 2. I had no idea there was a Part 3 or a Part 4, or if I did, come across them, I may have blanked out the memory. Some shit is too painful to carry around in this world, so perhaps I'm suffering from some post traumatic head-fuck. Who knows.

Hell, maybe their worthwhile slasher films. The second one sure was. Plenty of fun to be had in that low-budget romp through the backwoods. In fact, in many ways it rose above the original. It lacked the tension that WRONG TURN boasted, but in taking itself way less seriously, it made for perfectly demented fun. A six-beer movie, best enjoyed while baked and with equally immature buddies.

Perhaps three and four follow suite. I'll need to look into it.

The law of diminishing returns dictates that each sequel will more than likely be a paired down version of what worked previously. Seems unlikely the second ones creativity could carry through to two more movies, never mind three. Such was my thinking...and that brings us to this installment.

In WRONG TURN 5, we find ourselves joining the revelers at the 'Mountain Man Festival', a music festival that we are informed is rivaling Lollopalooza in terms of size and crowd. Its held at Halloween, and the partygoers tend to dress up in fancy costumes, often as inbred redneck hillbillies. Meanwhile, deep in the surrounding woods, a trio of cannibals in badly designed inbred make-up are being raised by a relative and patriarch, (played by Pinhead, himself, if you can believe that shit). When some of the festival kids find themelves arrested alongside dear old Daddy, his boys come valiantly to his rescue. As the ugly bastards go about their jailbreak, the two parties clash in seriously violent fashion...

WRONG TURN 5 was nowhere near as awful as I assumed it would be. Perhaps my low expectations helped in swallowing this junk-food in one bite, but it really wasn't too painful an experience at all. Its cheesy as hell with some atrocious acting, (though not always) and is about as scary as STUART LITTLE, but it does relish in the violence, and at least tries to do something original with its worn down characters.

Speaking of which, I'm a little confused. Are these the same hillbilly face-chewers from the first and second film, because one of them looks just like the rat-faced mutant from part one? I'm guessing its simply a case of designing with familiarity in mind, but I can't say for sure. Again, I have to mention the makeup on these bozo's. THE WALKING DEAD this ain't. These mutant chaps look like their wearing cheap Halloween masks fashioned on the monster designs from the previous films. In short, they look like shit, but even this works in the films favor, as its very believable that these jokers could mingle with the costumed revelers without anyone believing their actually mutants. They fit in just fine with the festival folk, because they look every bit as shitty. Genius or ineptitude on the creators part? No idea...

There's very artistry on display here, and next to no tension, but the kills are vicious, often unexpected and the effects are handled pretty well, (with less reliance on cheap CG than many low-budget genre films these days). Call me a reprobate, but watching one of our mutants gutting a gal and feeding her her own intestines while a soft rock ballad plays in the background, is pretty damn entertaining. And a  scene featuring two trapped kids, a football field and a huge lawnmower is so way over the top its impossible not to laugh out loud. Very messy. Perhaps I was raised wrong.

Doug Bradley is great fun too...overacting like a hero, and spending most of the movie laughing his ass off 'evilly' and letting everyone know they're deader than disco when his clan comes to break him out of jail.  He's like a more pro-active harbinger. I always think of this cat as being very classy, and seeing him in a goofy-ass role like this is a blast.

The people who made WRONG TURN 5 knew what they were getting into. They know this ain't anything other than a good time. Kids will love it for the boobs and body parts, growth-stunted adults such as myself will enjoy it for the shameless sense of trashy fun. I found the whole thing hilarious. I mean, how often do you get to see a mutant cannibal hillbilly jailbreak?

Make no mistake, this is pure cheese. Nonsense of the lowest order, but its just dumb enough to be a riot if your in the right mood. It scores points for being the fifth film in a series and not sucking like a rent-boy. I'll maybe even go back and watch three and four now. Maybe.

And has anyone noticed how 'Rat-Mutants' insane giggling sounds just like the Jockey in LEFT 4 DEAD 2? Creepy....

6 Hair-lips out of 10